To you guys.

Heyy you guys.


I wanna make use of our blog to tell you guys stuff.


That I'm really hurt about what happened today.


I feel really upset. And angry. But more upset and hurt than angry.


I don't think that you guys will ever read this. But I just think that you guys need to know how I feel about today. It'll only be fair to you guys if I do.

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Today, when you guys boarded that bus. And when Diana called me. And you guys laughed; smiled. I didn't know what to say. Except "whatthehell".
I didn't really want to face you guys after that.
I felt that, yeah, im late, its my fault. But even still, shouldn't you guys have the courtesy to call or sms or something to tell me that you guys are leaving?
Seriously, I don't want to talk to you guys anymore.
You guys just crushed the trust that I had in you guys, built over these months. You guys crushed it in just a few minutes, or even just a few seconds.

Can you guys try having it in my shoes, from my perspective?
Im carrying stuff that fills both my hands. I have difficulty in even walking a few steps.
I still have to travel. I have my stomach cramps. I have my difficulties.
You guys didn't even bother finding out about what happened. Just walked away like that.
Yes, this small little action made me feel like you guys are not my true friends. That you guys are selfish.
Ask yourself.
Are you guys like that?
Would y'all want me to do the same to you when you face the same difficulties?
Let me give you guys an example. I always make sure that Ruilin boards 502 first, before I leave, even if I have to. I don't want you guys to do the opposite to me.
Try staying far away.
I lead a hard life. Without "friends" doing this.
Friends are important to me. Because seriously, to be honest, im not on very good terms with my family. I don't talk to them everyday. And I rarely get to see them.
Thats why I treasure every friendship alot.
Especially with my good friends. But what has happened today made me feel like you guys don't care about me.
That im someone who's not important. That im someone who can be abandoned easily.
That im someone whom you can NOT CARE ABOUT.

My heart is bleeding now, with a gaping wound there.
I can't find any words to describe it now.
Even though you guys have apologised to me, I kinda feel that you guys apologise for the sake of apologising.
Y'all will never understand the feeling of being lost.
Ive always felt very left out.
Today, you guys have just added salt on that wound.
You guys have made me think that I don't want you guys as friends anymore.

I find it hard to trust you guys already.

I hope that you guys will think about what I wrote in this post. Because personally, I think that this post means alot.
If I still have any ounce of space left in your hearts, think about it.
Try looking at it from my position.
I don't really want to talk to you guys on msn anymore.
I feel very slutty. Like im always initiating all these kind of things. I don't want to do this anymore.
I feel like you guys are making use of me. Taking advantage of me.
Through these little things, I know what kind of people you are.
No offence.
But I don't want to talk to you guys.
Even though after y'all apologised, I started talking to y'all again.
But deep down in my heart, I know that I was lying to myself, and also to you guys. That wasn't really me.

I shouldn't have made any friends from the start, especially with you guys.

I should have been a loner.

Trust myself; thats the best policy.

I know, im a terrible person.

You guys just told me that.

Thanks.

I don't know what you guys are going to do after y'all read this.
But you guys have disappointed me utterly today.
Im speechless already.

This isn't a guilt post.
Just needed to find a way to tell you guys how I feel.
Don't take it to heart, if you don't care about me.
Y'all can just ignore this post, if you don't care about me.
Seriously, just tell me if im being too much.
Because its all my fault.

Esther